“Every part of me looks better under a black-light.  Every. Part.”

“I don’t know how good you are, darlin’, and I don’t know what it is you’re good at, but if you’re wearing a red mesh shrug and using a cane as a prop, it’s not dancing, I know that much.”

“I’m one officer who is always PACKING.”

No.  I do not want to sip on your Big Gulp.

“Nothing says ‘I’m horny’ quite like sticking a pan-flute on your ass.”

“Who wants to be my slow rider?”

“Take it easy!”

“Peep me.”

“Unlike that bitch Bella, I’ll let you suck my blood Edward Cullen…any time you want.  In the morning.  In the afternoon.  At twilight.  During a new moon.  After a solar or lunar eclipse.  I’ll even let you suck me when dawn breaks.”

(Blogger’s Note: I think what actually gives me way more HomoShame than this picture is the fact that it took me all of ten seconds to list the four books in the “Twilight Saga,” despite the fact that I’ve only ever actually read half of one.)

Contrary to what the poorly crafted neon sign says behind you, wearing jean shorts while performing karaoke is not “fabulaus.”

“Why elaborate?  When you can exaggerate!”

When I was little, my older sister had Wonder Woman Underoos (fancy underpants that looked like Wonder Woman’s outfit).  She got in trouble in pre-school for showing them off to the other kids during nap time.

I must confess that despite the fact that I loved my Superman Underoos, the much younger version of me also coveted my sister’s Wonder Woman Underoos.  I coveted them a lot.

That said, I do not covet the outfit seen above.  I do not covet it at all.

(Especially since the dude clearly forgot to pickup Wonder Woman’s Golden Lasso of Truth at the local costume shoppe.)

“I live my life by three simple rules:

1) You can never own too many colored clip-on hair extensions

2) Headbands tie any outfit together

3) You can never be ‘too tan.’”

“I’m just looking for someone to ying my yang.”

Some people radiate happiness.  Some people radiate sadness.  And then, there’s Arnold…who radiates rainbows.